IN SAYING
EVERYTHING ABOUT A MOVIE?
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IN SAYING EVERYTHING ABOUT A MOVIE? |
| VAMPIRES SUCK (directors/writers: Jason Friedberg/Aaron Seltzer; cinematographer: Shawn Maurer; editor: Peck Prior; music: Christopher Lennertz; cast: Matt Lanter (Edward Sullen), Jenn Proske (Becca Crane), Chris Riggi (Jacob White), Diedrich Bader (Frank Crane), Ken Jeong (Daro), Kelsey Ford (Iris), Anneliese Van Der Pol (Jennifer), Arielle Kebbel (Rachel); Runtime: 80; MPAA Rating: PG-13; producers: Peter Safran/Jason Friedberg/Aaron Seltzer; 20th Century Fox; 2010) |
| "An insult to other bad vampire
movies,
which is saying a mouthful."
Reviewed
by Dennis Schwartz An
insult to other bad vampire movies, which is saying a
mouthful. It's written and directed by hacks
Jason Friedberg and Aaron
Seltzer ("Date Movie"/"Epic Movie"/"Meet the
Spartans"), the reviled duo do nothing to disprove
their bad reputation as filmmakers with this boring
dud. It follows the plot line of the opening two
episodes of the Twilight series, to spoof them in a
witless, unoriginal and moronic way with a cast of
unknowns. Expect plenty of lowlife gags, awkward
pratfalls, flatulence and genitalia jokes, and lame
comments on damaged goods celebrities like Tiger
Woods. The
parody is set in the fictional vampire
and werewolf infested town of Sporks, Wash.,
where newcomer Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) muses
over two desirable fellows--the pale vampire
Robert Pattinson (Matt Lanter) and the lovesick
werewolf Jacob
White (Chris Riggi-- as she stammers
and is writhing with tics playing her one-note sullen
character in the same way Kristen Stewart
played this same character. That effort alone saves
the insufferable film from completing
sucking, which might not be saying much but it does
say something positive about such a pile of rubbish.
REVIEWED ON 1/31/2013 GRADE: C- Dennis Schwartz: "Ozus' World Movie Reviews" © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED DENNIS SCHWARTZ |