DENNIS SCHWARTZ 
IS THERE ANY GOOD 
IN SAYING 
EVERYTHING ABOUT A MOVIE?

 
SEX KITTENS GO TO COLLEGE (director: Albert Zugsmith; screenwriter: Robert Hill/story by Albert Zugsmith; cinematographer: Ellis Carter; editor:  William Austin; music:  Dean Elliott; cast: Mamie Van Doren (Dr. Mathilda West), Louis Nye (Dr. Zorch), Martin Milner (George Barton), Mickey Shaughnessy (Boomie), Conway Twitty (Himself), Vampira (Etta Toodie), Allan Drake (Legs Raffertino), Woo Woo Grabowski (Himself), Tuesday Weld (Jody), Mijanou Bardot (Suzanne), John Carradine (Prof. Watts), Irwin Berke (Prof. Towers), Pamela Mason (Dr. Myrtle Carter), Jackie Coogan (Wildcat MacPherson), Babe London (Miss Cadwallader), Eddie Deezen (Voice of Thinko) ; Runtime: 94; MPAA Rating: NR; producer: Albert Zugsmith; Allied Artists; 1960)

 
"It tries very hard to be funny and weird, but settles only for weird."

Reviewed by Dennis Schwartz

Lawyer turned studio filmmaker and then indie exploitation filmmaker Albert Zugsmith ("Confessions of an Opium Eater"/"The Private Lives of Adam and Eve"/"Violated!") wrote the story and directs this awful sexploitation comedy. It tries very hard to be funny and weird, but settles only for weird. Too bad the great title only results in a crappy pic.

At Collins College, Dr. Zorch (Louis Nye) operates the school master computer Thinko (the Westinghouse robot Elektro from the 1939 World's Fair) to determine who gets the post as science department head. The odd choice of the robot for the post is Dr. Mathilda West (Mamie Van Doren). She's a busty ex-stripper with an IQ of 268, possessing thirteen degrees, with a calling to be a hypnotist and with the ability to speak fluently in 18 languages. She's approved of by the college dean, Dr. Myrtle Carter (Pamela Mason), saying the computer can't be wrong, though public relations director George Barton (Marty Milner) is dubious until he sees how attractive is the new professor. Dr. West arrives on campus by train from her last gig, where the stripper was known as The Tallahassee Tassel Tosser. Also showing up are two gangsters (Allan Drake & Mickey Shaughnessy) interested in snatching Thinko for its insights on horse racing wagering.

While West goes genius on us and saves the school from disaster, subplots abound. They include the one involving cheerleader Jody (Tuesday Weld) chasing after Woo Woo Grabowski (Norman Grabowski-real life hot rod designer), the football captain who always faints at the sight of a pretty woman; French foreign-exchange student Suzanne (Mijanou Bardot, Brigitte's less than beautiful kid sister) being romantically obsessed over the gangster called Legs Raffertino, in the hopes of using him to do scientific research; obnoxious oil-man Wildcat MacPherson (Jackie Coogan) doing a grating 45-minute imitation of W. C. Fields; Dr. West psychoanalyzing Thinko; horny science teacher Watts (John Carradine) doing the tango and the Charleston with Dr. West; Country singer Conway Twitty leading a jazz combo; and the chimpanzee Abraham Q. Voltaire performing unauthorized antics during a lecture.

The director's whims are thrown against the wall to get comedy, and the result is a sub-par film.

REVIEWED ON 6/23/2013       GRADE: C-

Dennis Schwartz: "Ozus' World Movie Reviews"

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