DENNIS SCHWARTZ Movie Reviews

THE DOLL SQUAD (SEDUCE AND DESTROY) (director/writer: Ted V. Mikels; screenwriters: Pam Eddy/Jack Richesin; cinematographer: Anthony Salinas; editor:  Ted V. Mikels; music:  Nicholas Carras; cast: John Carter (Senator Stockwell), Francine York (Sabrina Kincaid), Michael Ansara (Eamon O'Reilly), Tura Satana (Lavelle), Anthony Eisley (Victor Connelly), William Bagdad (Joseph), Lillian Garrett (Nancy), Lisa Todd (Maria), Gustave Unger (Dr. Cahaymen), Raphael Campos (Junkie), Jean London (Kim); Runtime: 92; MPAA Rating: PG; producer: Ted V. Mikels; MIA; 1973)

"Garbage."

Reviewed by Dennis Schwartz

Garbage. Schlockmeister writer/director/producer/editor Ted V. Mikels ("Ten Violent Women"/"The Astro-Zombies "/"Blood Orgy of the She-Devils") tries to go Russ Meyers soft core porn on us but lacks the directing skills to create something entertaining out of such schlock. Instead we get a cheesy cult spy B film about bikini clad broads chasing down a villain bent on destroying the world. Mikel writes this crap with the aid of Pam Eddy and Jack Richesin. The poorly acted, executed and written low-budget thriller is noteworthy only for being the forerunner of the slicker mid-1970s Charlie's Angels television show. It's highly recommended for those who both adore bad films and chicks handling bazookas. Others should steer clear of such tacky trash.

A crazed former CIA agent, Eamon O'Reilly (Michael Ansara), who communicates his threats to Washington via carrier pigeon, sabotages Senator Stockwell' (John Carter) space program by destroying a rocket that's launched at Cape Kennedy. The Senator consults his large IBM computer and the 'brain' suggests The Doll Squad, headed by ex-CIA operative Sabrina Kincaid (Francine York), be engaged to investigate. When Sabrina detects that there are spies embedded in the senator's office and in the personnel of the Starflight space program, she's soon enough proven right as the senator's secretary, Nancy (Lillian Garrett), is discovered to be working for Eamon as his agent for sabotage. The nutcase megalomaniac is Sabrina's former lover, when both worked for the CIA. But Eamon turned psychopath and now threatens to destroy the world unless the U.S. gives him their secret plans for a new missile system. The sexy redhead recruits a bunch of well-endowed women, with special agent skills, but some get killed because of Eamon's moles pointing them out. But Nancy blabs before taking a cyanide pill and the bikini-clad heavily-armed lady assassins track Eamon down on his well-guarded and well-armed island hideout off the coast of Venezuela and raid the joint.

On the island we learn some nonsense about Eamon using unethical Dr. Cahaymen (Gustave Unger) to implant silver discs in the necks of the bad dude's victims, so they can be controlled. And we learn madman Eamon intends to introduce into the world a virus containing the bubonic plague, while his worldwide followers are injected with an immunity serum.

It's a ridiculous movie concept that's loaded down with gunplay, clunky dialect and sexy broads who can't act a lick. Tura Satana, the stripper star of Russ Meyer's Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, is cast in a supercilious role as the stripper member of the Doll Squad.

This is the kind of lousy movie where no one can escape from such misconceived nonsense without at least some smudge on their film-making career.

REVIEWED ON 5/19/2014       GRADE: C-

Dennis Schwartz: "Ozus' World Movie Reviews"

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