For the body is one and has many members.
Author's note: The earliest versions of this essay go
back to 1996. I recall struggling with this essay over many months
and it feeling like a huge accomplishment when it finally came
together. I felt like I had pulled something of great significance
out of the dimmest shadows of my psyche and experience. And, indeed,
almost everything I have written since has repeated these themes
in some way. Although the origins of my understanding of natural
contemplation go back to the four years from 1986 to 1990, this
essay represents my first coherent articulation of it. What's
missing from this essay is my 1995 encounter
with a whale. That experience did not start appearing in my
writing until much later. It appears that the way my brain works,
it takes several years of gestation for significant new experiences
to emerge in conscious understanding.
In July of 1990 I sat on a rock high above Little Rock Pond,
my favorite place on Vermont's Long Trail. I was near the beginning
of a month-long trek along the trail. I wrote these words in my
The religious minded (among whom I include myself) must change
our ways. Christians especially foster a sense of human superiority
under the power of a benevolent divinity. We think God is in
charge, and has created the world for our benefit, so we don't
have to worry. It is meant to be as it is. Meanwhile, rapists
take what they want from the Earth, and the hungry are robbed
of their daily bread.
If any Christian teaching can be applied, it is Paul's "...the
body is one and has many members..." We must wake up soon
to the fact that "if one member suffers, all suffer together
with it." Thus we all suffer with the loss of the rain
forests and their inhabitants, the acidification of mountain
lakes, the carbonization of the atmosphere, the bleaching of
the night sky and the coral reefs. We humans can no longer afford
the fantasy that we hold divine right to supremacy, the idolatry
that we are God on Earth. We must soon find our proper place
among the orders of being.
I come from a family steeped in religion: both of my parents
were ministers, as were both of my father's parents. Although
I have not continued that line, the effects are unavoidable. I
have thought in Christian terms for most of my life. I have lived
under the influence of the belief that humans are the star attraction
here on Earth; that we may be in nature, but we are not of nature;
that we are not like other animals, and they are not like us;
that we, unlike any other being, are akin to God; that each and
every individual human life is absolutely sacred, but non-human
lives may be expended and exploited for our benefit; that this
Earth is but a bridge to the Kingdom of God, and is not therefore
of any spiritual significance in and of itself. This is not our
home. Our home is with God in Heaven.
I have wrestled mightily with these and many other deeply ingrained
beliefs, for although their hold on me has been strong and deep,
three currents in my life have forced me to question them.
I decided in my early twenties to take my Christianity seriously,
to put my faith at the center of my life, and go wherever that
took me. Although I grew up in a Protestant tradition where mysticism
was largely ignored, as soon as I discovered the mystical tradition
within Christinaity, I was drawn to it. Deciding to live by my
faith and feeling drawn to deeper silence were nearly synonymous
What I have found in silence has shaped everything else, and
remains at the core of my understanding of life. I have practiced
many methods of meditation, but none of them has drawn me or affected
me in the way that silence itself has. I prefer not to seek any
particular state of mind, but merely attend to whatever I find
within and without. Two things happen. First is the simple calming
of the chatter of the mind. The ability, therefore, to see more
clearly, to listen more intently, to be more aware, without the
overlay, the intrusion, of thought, of opinion, of reaction.
The second thing that occurs is very hard to discuss, because
it is not captured by any set of descriptions. The attainment
of deep silence requires, it seems to me, that we set aside all
our possessions, most particularly that which we possess in the
mind: our beliefs about self and other. When the limit of understanding
and knowledge and memory and opinion is reached and seen clearly,
the vast world that lies beyond knowledge opens, although it cannot
be grasped conceptually. Having encountered this world, it is
then impossible to forget what a small, insufficient, misleading
thing the known is. The world we do not know is ever so much more
vast than the world we know. The world that lives and breathes
is ever so much more vital than the world we grasp. This sounds
nice and simple when condensed into a few words, but the reality
of it is deeply unsettling to the conventional mind, a fundamental
change in perspective with wide-ranging implications. And with
it comes an unspeakable sense of radical (at the root) connection
with all that is, a sense of the perfect unity of being.
As I began to "listen" in silence (what my mother called
"deep calling to deep"), I soon felt a need to move
to the margins of human existence, to see the world from some
perspective other than the one of modest comfort I was raised
in. So I lived and worked among homeless people, and learned a
little about the harshness of our society. In the midst of comfort,
it is easy to imagine and believe all sorts of things that don't
hold up for a minute on the streets. On the street, it is especially
hard to pretend that God rewards only the virtuous and condemns
only the wicked. I am embarrased now that I ever believed such
a thing, and I cringe when I hear such falsehoods still being
preached from Sunday pulpits. My homeless friend Al was stabbed
to death just at the point when he was pulling his life together.
My friend Alpha Otis Stephens was electrocuted by the State of
Georgia for a crime he said, and I believe, he did not commit,
while some of Georgia's citizens chanted, "Fry the Bastard."
In 1986 I traveled to Nicaragua in the midst of the Contra war.
There the cocoon of my beliefs about myself and the world cracked
open. There I encountered a deeper material poverty than I had
ever known. I have lived my whole adult life on less than a poverty-level
income, by official U.S. Government standards. Yet in Nicaragua
I was unavoidably one of the world's wealthy. I had shoes! I had
spare shirts! I had my own supply of breakfast cereal so I didn't
have to eat rice and black beans three times a day. I realized
then how superfluous most of my "needs" are. Beyond
Sun, Air, Water, Food and Love, what do I really need?
Two girls whose bodies had been shattered by a Contra land mine,
thoroughly shattered my system of beliefs and brought me, I believe,
into contact with reality. I can not do justice to it here, but
this encounter was, in one and the same moment, tremendously unsettling,
and incomprehensibly joyful. For the first time I experienced
one of the horrors of war, and the powerful possibilities for
love that erupt when we open our eyes and meet each other face
to face. I caught a glimpse of how unreal and puny and limited
my beliefs are in the face of Life itself. Returning to the United
States, I experienced as never before how our society, and our
very sense of identity, are based on the utterly superfluous.
This, I believe, is the root of our problems.
My experience of silence and my experience of war and poverty
have, I must admit, shaken me, though I have not experienced anything
close to the worst of war or poverty, nor probably the best of
silence. I have come to realize that my understanding of life
and my sense of self are deeply inadequate representations of
what is real. I have felt my Christian beliefs especially as an
obstacle that separated me from the life I wanted and needed to
know and touch. In Nicaragua particularly, Life seized me and
shook me. In that shaken state (half euphoria, half bewilderment)
I returned home.
I grew up on Black Mountain, a magical horseshoe of granite in
southern Vermont. I spent much of my childhood exploring among
its rocks and mosses. In the midst of spiritual turmoil and my
own impending homelessness, I returned to those woods and made
my home in a tent.
Over three difficult years I began to stitch back together, drawing
heavily on the inspiration of the natural world. Warmed by the
Sun. Rocked to sleep by the wind. Pulled out of sleep in the middle
of the night by a violent thunder storm. Waking each day with
the chorus of birds. Sitting or walking in the company of a stream.
Sharing my "living room" with the deer, the turkeys,
the ravens and owls and vultures, the bobcats and coyotes. My
clothes dismembered by mice for their nests. What I learned and
felt during that time is now woven into my bones and nerves. It
is easier to feel than it is to describe.
We share Earth with a magnificent variety of plants and animals.
Are we not just one among many? Humans do, of course, have special
abilities that make us unique. But so do all creatures. Our special
abilities - logic and language, self-consciousness and moral choice
- are impressive, to be sure; but the intelligence, forethought
and communicative ability of other creatures are also impressive,
and their own peculiar specializations even more so. The closer
I look, the more marvelous and complex non-human life becomes
for me. I can not live among the other animals, the wind and rain,
the trees and grasses and soil; and salvage any exalted place
for human kind.
Even more, I cannot imagine living without all these other creatures.
Aside from the obvious ecological necessities (the food web, the
cycling of water, the exchange of Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide, the
recycling of waste, etc.), non-human life is essential to the
health of the human spirit. We are knit together, and cause great
damage when we try to set ourselves apart. Until I lived those
years in the woods, I felt like an alien from some other planet
- utterly at odds with the world, and at odds with myself.
Although I have separated these three currents in order to describe
them, they have continuously fed and influenced each other. My
initial impulse to silence was not entirely genuine: it contained
a fair dose of escapism, a desire for spiritual perfection. Living
close to the Earth showed me that mysticism can be more than just
the wish to be free of the body and its mortality, free of the
Earth and its discomforts and ego-bursting realities, free of
Life and its difficulties. If the path of silence is followed
to the end, it leads back to the body, back onto the Earth as
home, back into nature, back to "the least among these, my
brothers and sisters." It leads to a fuller sense of belonging,
a deeper empathy, a clearer understanding of the interconnections
and interdependencies of Life. I live and breathe the same life
and breath shared by all Life.
"For..the body is one and has many members, and all the
members of the body, though many, are one body... If one member
suffers, all suffer together with it."
We may be uniquely capable among Earth's creatures of having
this kind of perception, this vision of a community (Jesus called
it the Kingdom of God) that excludes nothing and no one, but we
also seem uniquely capable of shattering that unity into fragments.
"I am a human Self, a demigod; I have no need of you animals.
I am a rational being; I have no need of you emotions. I am rich
and comfortable; I have no need of you miserable poor. I am Spirit;
I have no need of this wretched body or the Earth that made it.
I am a self-made individual; I have no need of the community."
How silly. We love our delusions and hate reality.
We humans need to change radically how we think about the natural
world and how we live in it. The world is not ours, nor is it
here solely for our benefit. We need it, but it could do without
us. We do not sit at the pinnacle of creation. Other life is not
here to serve us, nor do we know enough to "manage"
it all "sustainably." Life supports, sustains, amuses
and blesses us, but it does not favor us. Although it goes against
all likelihood and tendency, we need to limit our numbers and
our appetites. We must give the world some breathing room. We
must do our best to repair what we have damaged. We must find
a new, less injurious way of living in the natural world.
We must learn to set aside the thousands of voices that scream
endlessly "You are unlimited, Godlike! Fulfill yourself!"
and rediscover the simple beauty of our limited, mortal, creaturely
lives. We have exalted and defended against all intrusion and
created an identity from that which is truly limited and lifeless:
our image of our selves. We have denied, excluded or destroyed
that which is unlimited and vital: Life itself. We must ground
our lives in that which is most essential, so that we may let
go of the superfluity that is choking the planet and diminishing
our own lives.
I said that when I returned from Nicaragua I realized that we
have based our identity on the superfluous. Part of that is the
extraneous stuff we buy and devote our lives to accumulating,
the entirely unprecedented levels of wealth we attain, but take
no joy in. But that is the easy part to understand. What I really
mean is this: we identify our very selves with the version of
reality that lives in our heads, and prefer it to reality itself.
We cling to our ideas and concepts and beliefs and memories, our
fears and fantasies, and carry on as if this inner version of
reality is reality. Mental maps of the world and our
place in it are useful, necessary and unavoidable, but they are
incomplete at best, and destructively inaccurate at worst. They
are part of what shapes our personality, but they are not the
totality of who we are. Individuals and the world we inhabit are
too complex and too deeply intertwined to be clearly defined and
described by any model.
When used as a basis for complete definition of self and the
world, as a substitute for reality, our images and concepts inevitably
lead to conflict with reality. When reality presents us with evidence
contrary to our self-defining images we will either deny reality
outright, or create some new belief that explains reality away
while preserving our self and world images as intact as possible.
We really do prefer our own version of reality to reality itself.
I have experienced this over and over and over. It is a
subtle and immensely powerful process. It takes place in each
of us every day, but most of us are completely unaware of it.
But the reality we fear to face is the truth that will set us
We have now deeply alienated ourselves from the physical, social
and spiritual realities that we require to live a fully human
life. We are more comfortable in the "virtual" world
of our own making than in the real world that includes other people
and other creatures and other lives.
Yet we cannot completely escape Life. Life is, after all, with
us every moment whether we welcome it or not. The more detached
our sense of self becomes, the more it is challenged by Life.
Self, then, in defense of itself, must ever more vigorously deny
and attempt to destroy Life. It is hard, very hard, to maintain
self-defining illusions in the face of all of Life, but it is
possible. It requires ever more complex systems of denial and
belief, but it is possible. It is all too common. A complex system
of denial and belief is precisely what we are caught in, what
prevents us from acting quickly in the face of the clearest evidence
that we are tearing Life on Earth apart.
This struggle will continue as long as we identify only with
that which the mind can grasp and invent.
If we live only in the constricted world of our own creations,
we must rely on the projections of our hopes and fears to give
us some comfort and sense of self; we need a heaven to save us
from our hell. But if we "listen" in silence, and attend
to the natural world, and learn from those people who our societies
push to the margins of existence, Life might speak to us in a
way we have not heard before, and give us something real to stand
on and live from. For then our sense of Life and self is something
we feel in our bones and manifest in our lives, not merely something
we grasp with our minds.
Given a chance, Life, the true source of our being, can breathe
within our lives again. Given a chance, the living universe, in
its awesome, incomprehensible vitality, can break through whatever
concepts we might have about it, and ourselves, and each other,
and speak directly to us about who we truly are. Given a chance.
But "I" is at stake, and terribly resistant to letting
go of its meager possessions.
Perhaps, then, Life must catch us off guard, crack us open, wound
us even. Some aspect of Life must strike us to the core, by way
of love, by way of beauty, perhaps even by way of loss. Only then
will we ever begin to let Life inform and inspire and enlighten
us. We can but orient ourselves to that possibility, and breathe,
and listen, and participate, and learn, and dare to be shaken
"For... the body is one and has many members, and all
the members of the body, though many, are one body... If one
member suffers, all suffer together with it."