The Covenant of Right Relations
All Souls Church Unitarian
Universalist
West Brattleboro, Vermont
_____________ __, 2009
Preamble
We who have chosen to be part of All
Souls Church affirm this Covenant of Right Relations with its Principles and
Guidelines, accepting it as a statement of how we, as a congregation, intend to
support and work with each other to create a living, growing and caring religious community. Each of us is responsible for making, and
assisting each other in making, good faith efforts to abide by this covenant in
both letter and spirit.
The Covenant
WE
BUILD OUR CHURCH ON A FOUNDATION OF LOVE,
AND
COVENANT WITH ONE ANOTHER:
TO
FREELY EXPLORE OUR VALUES AND HONOR OUR DIVERSITY
AS
A SOURCE OF COMMUNAL STRENGTH;
TO
ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR INDIVIDUAL ACTS;
TO
PROMOTE JUSTICE AND PEACE;
TO
CELEBRATE THE JOYS OF DISCOVERY,
EMBRACING
THE FULLEST MEASURE OF OUR HUMANITY;
TO
COMMUNICATE WITH KINDNESS AND SUPPORT;
TO
SERVE WITH COMPASSION AND COMMITMENT;
TO
OPENLY SHARE OUR LAUGHTER AND TEARS;
AND
TO SHOW REVERENCE FOR THE DIVINE IN ALL THAT IS.
Adopted
April 17, 2001
Our Principles of Right Relations
1.
We practice courtesy and civility in our relationships. In order that all voices may be heard
respectfully and a rich variety of opinions may be honored, we covenant:
·
To allow all a chance to speak
and listen so that all are heard and understood;
·
To demonstrate
our concern for each other as we are able with time, money, talent, and caring
spirit;
·
To support the work of our church
leaders and programs instituted by them that serve ends we understand and appreciate, reserving the right to
respectfully oppose actions we consider wrong.
·
To abide by existing bylaws,
policies and directives even as we remain open to change;
·
To refrain from gossip and from
ridiculing, attacking, marginalizing or invalidating others through word or
deed;
·
To follow through when we commit
to do something;
·
To remind others kindly of the
spirit of this covenant when needed.
2.
We respect the worth and dignity of all persons, calling
them to act in right relationship and take responsibility for what they do. In order to encourage each one of us “to
accept responsibility for our individual acts,” we covenant:
·
To accept one another in ways
that honor our varied backgrounds and spiritual
paths;
·
To engage creatively “to honor
our diversity as a source of communal strength;”
·
To refrain from stereotyping
·
To promote a culture
where all are challenged to become their best selves.
3.
In worship practice, we know that not all elements of a service appeal equally
to the diverse individuals who choose to attend All Souls Church. We recognize the difficulty of creating a
worship service that does equal justice to the preferences of all those in
attendance. In order to maintain the
strength of our religious community by including persons of varied ages,
politics, religious backgrounds, genders, sexual orientations, incomes,
obligations, states of health, physical challenges, and tolerances for the time
it takes to be together, we covenant:
·
To honor our long tradition of
freedom of the pulpit;
·
To show respect for the variety
of needs and desires each one of us brings to church services;
·
To endure respectfully even those
service elements we dislike most if they meet the needs of congregants who
happen not to think as we do;
·
To support the minister’s and
each other’s efforts to create and offer worship services by attending those
services as our own “encouragement for putting our beliefs and values into
action and service.”
·
To offer our feedback on services
with the intention of being constructive, and with humble acknowledgement that
our point of view, however strongly held, is personal and may or may not be
representative of the wider congregation.
4. We accept controversy
in our community as inevitable and healthy. We are guided by the principle that properly
managed controversy between people in right
relations to one another can be a positive force for creativity, growth and
enrichment. Our task is to find
appropriate ways to express and resolve our conflicts. In order that conflicts, when they arise, are
addressed with respect, compassion and honesty,
we covenant:
·
To allow the necessary time to
identify and discuss differences before making decisions;
·
To listen to competing ideas with
respect, tolerance and honest consideration;
·
To speak openly on matters of
controversy, using “I” statements;
·
To solicit, encourage and
integrate minority contributions into a democratic resolution;
·
To make decisions that serve the
common good.
5. We value openness in our communications and
decision-making.
In order to fully “communicate with kindness and support,” we
covenant:
·
To share convictions openly
rather than withholding input from the group, or to express a point of view in
private to someone with an opposing opinion when that step would be more
respectful;
·
To make committee and governance
meetings open, with rare exceptions such as when they deal with confidential or
personnel matters;
·
To give visitors to board and
committee meetings the opportunity to speak within established guidelines;
·
To make all minutes, accounts and
transcripts available to the congregation, again with the exception of those
that refer to confidential or personnel matters;
·
To participate actively and responsibly
in All Souls Church governance and decision-making.
6.
We direct controversial, All Souls Church-related communications through
appropriate channels.
In order to maintain right relations even in contentious settings, we
covenant:
·
To attempt to resolve
interpersonal disputes or grievances directly and privately when feasible;
·
To attempt to resolve
non-personal controversies, e.g., on policies, programs or finances, through
the relevant committee or established lines of communication;
·
To follow established procedures
for resolving conflict, and to abide by the outcomes of that process. [Please see Conflict Resolution: Guidelines
and Suggestions for Success, Appendix A.]
7.
We strive to focus on issues and behaviors, not on people and personalities. In order to avoid personalizing
communications about issues, we covenant:
·
To address the issues and points
under review in our discussions and deliberations, avoiding assignment of
blame;
·
To use “I” statements to set a
tone of presenting and sharing rather than attacking and criticizing;
·
To consider the message on its
merits, remembering that the message is about the matter at hand, not about the
sender or receiver.
8. We strongly believe that religious community is about caring for
each other. In order “to openly
share our laughter and tears” we covenant
·
To be aware of how we express compassion;
·
To offer care – a companionable presence or concrete support
(food, transportation, etc.) – when “rough patches” or significant life changes
come calling on any one of us;
·
To provide safe opportunities for fun and relaxation;
·
To fully support the special work of parish care.
9. We work to maintain a safe and secure church
environment, which allows openness to a wide variety of individuals. In order to promote an environment of right
relations in the presence of disruptive behavior, we covenant:
·
To confront interference or
disruption at church functions with firmness and compassion;
·
To refer disruptive behavior that
interferes with a church-related activity or event to appropriate authorities
immediately. [Please see Guidelines for Dealing With Offensive or Disruptive
Behavior, Appendix B.]
·
To respond to disruptive or
unacceptable behavior by speaking up and making boundaries clear, and by
suggesting respectful alternatives;
·
To enlist whatever support or
assistance may be required to bring behaviors into compliance with constructive
social intercourse;
10.
We recognize that All Souls Church strives to be a valuable partner in the
social, artistic, charitable and business spheres of Greater Brattleboro as well as having a part to play in meeting worldwide
challenges.
In order that we may maintain right relations with the components of our
wider community, “and serve with compassion and commitment,” we covenant:
·
To join denominational
efforts to make the world a better place;
·
To care for those in need, locally and around the world;
·
To observe scrupulous business
practices with vendors, merchants and others who provide us with services;
·
To support community activities
consistent with our church mission, covenant and the Principles of the
Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations;
·
To participate in interfaith
projects while at the same time providing to the community a liberal
interpretation of religious practices and teachings.
In Closing
We promise to address issues that arise
in our relationships with kindness, forgiveness and commitment to the common
good. When issues are problems that can
be solved, we will work actively to resolve them. When issues have no single, permanent
solution, we will manage them in an effort to achieve balance and harmony. Our aim will always be to maintain our
supportive and loving fellowship, the be-all and end-all of right relations.
Appendices
A. Conflict Resolution: Guidelines and Suggestions
for Success
B. Guidelines for Dealing with Offensive or
Disruptive Behavior
C. Crisis
Intervention Protocol
APPENDIX A
All Souls Church Unitarian
Universalist
Conflict Resolution:
Guidelines and Suggestions for Success
To
successfully practice right relations when a conflict should arise between
members of the All Souls Church community, the Congregation has established the
following guidelines for reaching successful conflict resolution:
·
At this step, and at all succeeding steps that become necessary, own
your issue. Anonymous complaints are not acceptable.
·
Examine your own role in the conflict. Why is this matter important to
you? Do some soul searching. Is the disagreement over content (what is being done) or
process (how
it’s being done)?
·
Get a reality check from a trusted third party. Compare your
perceptions. Does that person view the statements or actions at issue in the
same way as you? Based on your telling of events and your feelings about the
statements or actions at issue, does he or she feel the same way as you?
·
Arrange with the other person in the dispute for a mutually acceptable
time and place to talk in private as soon as possible after the incident at
issue.
·
In your discussions use “I statements”; use active listening.
·
If a direct conversation is too difficult, consider putting your
position into writing to be read by the other party to the disagreement. Be
available to receive the other person’s response to your position.
·
If you believe that safety is at issue, follow the recommended
course of action detailed in the Crisis Intervention Protocol, Appendix C.
·
If the conflict concerns how a person (staff, religious educator) is
performing his/ her job or duties under their position, address your concern to
that person’s supervisor so that individuals are not being “supervised” from
all sides.
·
If you and the other person in the dispute agree that the minister is
neutral on the matter at issue, and appropriate for addressing the matter at
issue, the minister could then mediate the dispute.
·
If either or both of the parties in dispute do not agree that the
minister would be neutral and/ or appropriate to mediate the disputed issue, or
if the minister does not believe that he or she is neutral and/ or appropriate
to mediate the disputed issue, then the minister, in
accordance with guideline #4 below, will recommend an outside mediator
to assist in bringing resolution to the conflict.
·
The minister shall report to the Committee on Ministry those conflicts
that have been brought to him/ her for resolution, and the outcome of the
mediation. Such reports shall not be reported by the Committee, but shall be
held in confidence.
·
The Committee member will encourage you to meet with the Committee to
express your position in the dispute. The Committee will provide you with its
understanding of your position.
·
The Committee will encourage you to present your position directly to
the minister. If you wish, a Committee member will accompany you at a meeting
with the minister to discuss the dispute. Before meeting with the minister, the
Committee will notify him/ her of the basic nature of the matter at issue.
After the meeting, the Committee will let the parties know of any outcomes
subsequent to the meeting. If you and the minister feel they are necessary,
additional meetings may be held with or without Committee members present.
·
The Committee shall keep a record of your meetings with them, those
meetings or disputes in which it is involved, and the outcomes of those
disputes. Such records shall not be reported by the Committee, but shall be
held in confidence.
·
If you are not able to resolve your dispute with the minister, or your
dispute concerning the ministry of the church despite the efforts of the
Committee to facilitate a resolution, you may seek the assistance of an outside
mediator if agreed to by the minister or, when applicable, the person
responsible for the matter of church ministry at issue.
·
Parties to a dispute may accept the minister’s recommendation of a
mediator from this list or may agree to another mediator from the approved
list.
·
The mediator shall determine how the mediation shall be conducted.
However, the mediator shall produce a written report identifying the matter at
issue, the positions of the parties, and the nature of the resolution of those
issues. Issues that have not been resolved or have been partially resolved
shall be described so that any remaining unresolved issues are identified.
Copies of this report shall be provided to the parties, and to the Committee on
Ministry in confidence.
·
All matters that go to outside mediation shall be reported to the All
Souls Church Board of Trustees
·
The Board of Trustees may authorize that All Souls Church shall pay for
the expenses of outside mediation, and is urged to authorize such expenses in
matters it deems of particular importance.
If the Board of Trustees does not authorize payment of mediation
expenses, the parties using those services shall pay those expenses.
·
The Board may review the actions and recommendations of the Committee
on Ministry concerning a conflict and require that involved persons follow such
recommendations.
·
The Board may review independently the circumstances of a dispute or
conflict, make its own recommendations for the handling of the matters at
issue, and take such actions that it deems necessary to enforce its
recommendations.
·
The Board can take action to exclude a person from attending functions
held by the congregation; or to be present in the church, on the church grounds
or on the property owned by the church, for some period of time based on that person’s
refusal to honor the covenants of All Souls Church. In such an event the Board
shall specify those conditions, which must be met for such person to return as
a welcome member of the All Souls Church community.
·
The Board, given just cause, can exclude a person permanently from the
All Souls Church community and from its lands and premises.
·
The Board can solicit assistance from the UUA to address a conflict.
·
The Board can call a meeting of the congregation to pull the community
together to address a conflict with the pooled compassion and shared wisdom of
the entire church body.
It
is hoped that the majority of conflicts can and will be resolved by an effort
on the part of individuals to live our covenant and principles and to approach
directly the individual with whom they are having a conflict. It is further
anticipated that while seeking to understand the causes, probability of change
and history that bear on the situation, all who participate in the process will
use our principles and purposes to inform their own actions and will treat
everyone with compassion and dignity. Finally, when no resolution is possible,
concern for the well-being, openness, safety and stability of the congregation
as a whole will be given priority over the feelings or actions of any
individual.
APPENDIX B
All Souls Church Unitarian Universalist
Guidelines For Dealing With Offensive Or Disruptive Behavior
Introduction
Churches
by their nature of being open and welcoming, ours being no exception, attract
people with various needs, ranging from the perfectly ordinary to the trying
and even bizarre. All Souls Church Unitarian Universalist welcomes everyone to
its community. High among our congregation’s values are: respect for an
individual’s worth and dignity, acceptance and expression of unique theologies
and life perspectives, support of fair and egalitarian practices through
democratic methods, and the creation of a safe and nurturing community.
For everyone to feel safe in a community, each of us needs to care about what the people around us are doing. We need to pay attention to each other and to those who will visit us here at church. If we need to change what we see happening, then it is our responsibility as community members to do so with compassion and firmness. While you are not expected to be adept at handling or solving difficult situations, you can use your common sense in most cases. If you observe behavior that is inappropriate or unsettling, enlist assistance and support from others nearby and report the situation to the minister or the leader at hand. Remain a witness to the behavior if the situation allows it.
The
following protocol is designed for dealing with behaviors that run the
gamut. At one end of the continuum there
are upsetting or offensive but nonthreatening behaviors. At the other end are behaviors that are
downright dangerous and threatening. In
the middle there are what might be considered disturbing or dysfunctional
behaviors. Examples of each are listed
below under types of behavior.
When
you witness behavior that is out of the ordinary, there are questions to
consider:
Conflict Resolution:
Guidelines and Suggestions for Success, Appendix A.
behavior?
These
are some examples of the kinds and degrees of unusual behaviors you may witness
from time to time:
Here are some suggestions for
responding to behavior that is out of the ordinary framed according to the source of the behavior (a stranger unknown to
the community or someone known to the congregation) as well the type of
behavior presented.
For any emergency situation requiring an immediate emergency response
refer immediately to the Crisis Intervention Protocol, Appendix C.
In situations where no threat or emergency is involved but behavior needs to be modified or redirected, your initial response may simply involve drawing the person aside but in sight of others and calmly stating that the behavior is not acceptable. Do not attempt to argue with the individual. Seek assistance from the minister or a church leader if there is no change in behavior.
In more serious cases, the minister and/or the
leader of the group involved may ask the offending person or persons to leave,
or may suspend the meeting or activity until it can safely be resumed. If appropriate, the minister will send a
follow-up letter detailing what steps must be taken before the offending party
or parties may return to the activities involved.
Whenever such actions occur and the minister is not present, the minister and president of the Board of Trustees must be notified as soon as possible.
For ongoing untoward behavior, the minister will determine whether to
handle the situation privately, or request the Board of Trustees, and/or the
Committee on Ministry to further investigate the matter. The minister, the
Board and/or the Committee on Ministry will act on a case-by-case basis. Recommendations will be given to the Board of
Trustees for any
further action that may be necessary. [Please refer to section 5 of Conflict Resolution: Guidelines and Suggestions for Success, Appendix A]
APPENDIX C
All Souls Church Crisis Intervention Protocol
(Adopted August 13, 2002)
In Case of Emergency:
If There Is No Threat to
Others:
If Emergency Assistance Is
Required:
If Evacuation Is Called For:
For Specific Instructions See
Red Emergency Folder on Outside of Office Door.
This red folder includes, in addition to a copy of this protocol:
Immediately Following
Resolution of Emergency:
1. Is anyone hurt?
2. How can we support one
another now?
1. What did you experience?
2. What did you do?
3. What was it like for you?
4. What could have been done
differently?
5. How can we support one
another now?
Protocol and Security
Maintenance